A single night of Horror

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    Toasted-Strategist
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    A single night of Horror

    Post  Toasted-Strategist on Sun Mar 28, 2010 6:43 am

    Hay ppl, my first story post, this is actually for the english task but i decided to release it here as well, im not particularly happy about this writing so please gimme some advice and point out the mistakes you see.

    writers note: i did not intend to make this story scary or funny, it is a 'casual' story depicting a day in life of an "executioner". It revolves around Gakuen City, and the user concept for those who know.

    A single night of Horror
    It's that time of the month again, time to get geared up and ready. A Full Moon. Death lingers in the air. Tension is high. The streets are dead silent. Every once a month as you all know a full moon occurs. Once that full moon rises, supernatural beings of all kinds reach their full potential and release it on a single night. It's one of Gakuen City's biggest problem, aside from the war we have to deal with this. Supernatural Beings are also considered to be human but go under the section of Users. They come in all forms you can name, demons, angels, werewolves, gargoyles and vampires... And even zombies if I'm unlucky.

    I just want to clarify that werewolves and vampires cannot infect other humans and turn them into one of them, it's a common day misconception, vampires simply have sharp teeth and have an attraction to blood while werewolves are just over grown anthro-wolves. As an executioner it is my duty to deal with these things. At all cost I must protect the civilians while not killing a single one of these creatures. They to are considered citizens and therefore I am not inclined to kill them unless necessary.

    Walking in the silent streets always seemed eerie to me. It was simply to quiet, especially in the CBD which is usually busy at all times. I slowly walked, I wanted to remain as quiet as possible. With a job like this you must stay vigilant at all times, a false move could mean death. I clenched onto my revolver (my weapon of choice) which made me feel somewhat safe. Somewhere deep within a bush or behind a wall something wants you dead. I had to be ready, they make the first move, I make the second and just like that they're on the floor groaning in pain. I almost feel sorry for them though, they are still human after all.

    I continued on my walk, I was still suspicious of something, at this point in time something should have happened. Suddenly I heard a blood-curdling scream somewhere in an alleyway. I rushed there drawing out my gun ready to shoot. By the time I got there it was already over, there was a grotesque sight before me. A heavily mutilated body hanging against a conveniently placed tree, (what was a tree doing in an alleyway?) with the head partially cut off, blood still dripping. There was blood across the whole floor and wall, the left arm of the person was torn off and a massive slash across the persons body revealed it's lungs, intestines and all internal body parts. There were drag marks in blood along the floor and the sound of the scream still ringed in my ear. I'm not sure if I was me but I could've sworn I could hear weeping. I like to keep my distance from dead deformed bodies but my curiosity forced me closer. Each step made, the weeping got louder and louder and soon turned into whispers.

    “End it now,” the thing whispered, “please...” It begged. That's horrible, how could someone still be alive after all that, it sounded like a guy (you can't really determine the gender of something that deformed) so he was probably in an unimaginable pain. He gave me a lifeless stare but I could tell he was still alive from where I was. I aimed my gun towards him ready to end this horrible experience. I didn't even hesitate, if I just kept him there he could remain alive suffering from an immense pain and there was no hope of saving him. A single shot fired, and it was once again dead silent. I slowly walked away shuddered by the sight, it's not my problem to clean that up, I thought to myself. I paused... something was wrong. Yes seeing a dead disgustingly mutilated body is wrong, but why was there a tree?

    I turned back and the dead body lunged at me, I tried to retaliate but it had bitten half my neck off, I struggled to breath, and I was now panicking, the lack of blood made it hard for me to think. It clinched onto me and began stabbing me with it's bear claws (something I failed to notice before) I began screaming in pain and flailing my arms around shooting randomly. Blood streamed everywhere. It grabbed onto my head and crushed it against the wall, I could hear the sound of my skull being pupled, my eyes splattering out, my jaw cracking and then I heard the sound of Eternal Silence.

    END.


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    Re: A single night of Horror

    Post  TrueLie on Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:33 pm

    Mood to start was great mood next paragraph... Fuc*ed if i know what happen... dont explian it leave it to the imagination, much to short for a good explination to be placed into the story to not break the mood. So my advise is try to leave their imagintaion do the work not your fingers so much, discribitive sentence you are good at and make them more inter weave. Take it or leave it, im just saying what i think sorry if its hurt full so on so forth but just my thoughts
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    Re: A single night of Horror

    Post  Toasted-Strategist on Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:41 pm

    TrueLie wrote:Mood to start was great mood next paragraph... Fuc*ed if i know what happen... dont explian it leave it to the imagination, much to short for a good explination to be placed into the story to not break the mood. So my advise is try to leave their imagintaion do the work not your fingers so much, discribitive sentence you are good at and make them more inter weave. Take it or leave it, im just saying what i think sorry if its hurt full so on so forth but just my thoughts

    As an executioner it is my duty to deal with all these creatures especially the werewolves and vampires and not because they can infect other people (which they can't) but because they pose as the biggest death threat, they become merciless killers. At all cost I must protect the civilians while not killing a single one of these creatures. They to are considered citizens and therefore I am not inclined to kill them unless necessary.

    hows that?


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    Re: A single night of Horror

    Post  TrueLie on Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:48 pm

    much better flows well

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